She announced her abortion via fbk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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