I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
