Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
