Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
