Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
