R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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