Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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