You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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