oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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