so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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