I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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