I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
