she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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