Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
