You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and she was petting her beer can
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Watching her eat just hurts me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think my moral compass just broke
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
