Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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