Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
