Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
