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I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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