so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
