Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.