Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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