Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
