You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
