I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
