I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
