I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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