Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i permit you to call me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
