The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize