she was so not down for the gang bang
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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