Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
