Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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