Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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