I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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