i think i have two assholes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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