you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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