but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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