she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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