Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
