am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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