i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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