you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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