suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
