NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
