Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
