So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
