I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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