She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
