it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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