so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
