Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
third nipple confirmed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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