Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
