my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize