Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
