I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
