her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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