dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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