the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
