remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
