I think im going to throw up on grandma
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
