Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
