i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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