she peed on how many people?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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