hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
