SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
